


Hit Me With Your Best Shot

by boujeeboatshoes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crack, I really just wanted to write NCT being chaotic af, assassin game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 01:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19074697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boujeeboatshoes/pseuds/boujeeboatshoes
Summary: Every year, a little bit of a prank war in the form of the game “Assassin” ran through the dorms of SM like the plaque. Or maybe wildfire was the right word. Nobody was safe and everybody chose sides, secretly recruited to a team as word traveled through the grapevine.The members of NCT take their annual game of Assassin very seriously.





	Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Author's Note:**

> it's been more than a month since I've seen 127 and I just miss them a lot, okay?? also stream "take off" for clear skin

Kim  Jungwoo is nowhere near as innocent as he looks. Under that mop of soft hair and those stricken doe eyes that always look a little disoriented is the mind of an absolute sadist, Mark is practically certain. He would bet a dollar on it, probably. 

The boys- Mark, Ten,  Jaehyun , Yuta, and the man in question himself- had been winding down after a long day of practice and traveling. The vast majority of the 127 and U subunits were traveling to a “special location” to film a new concept for their 2018 promotions a nd had made it only halfway to the  final destination before their managers and production team had suggested checking in to a hotel for the night. They had chosen their own room assignments and meandered their separate ways after dinner a few hours previous.

For the most part, the team was exhausted. Yes, the dancing and the singing was taxing and complicated, but Mark felt almost equally as drained after spending five hours in a car squashed between two of his fellow bandmates with minimal room left for personal space. Was he used to it? Yes,  yes he was, but in no way did that ease the fact that  Haechan exuded enough body heat to break Mark out in a  harsh sweat and that nobody-  _ nobody _ \- should have to listen to Johnny spend the majority of the ride on  Tiktok .

Now it was almost one in the morning and Ten and Yuta were taking turns applying animal-shaped facemasks; Ten dropped a sultry wink at himself in the hand mirror (“go get ‘ em , tiger”) and sent Yuta into hysterics.  Jaehyun was brushing his teeth in a manner that closely compared rabies and Mark was already in his pajamas fresh-faced and ready to pass out the second his head hit the pillow.  Jungwoo had seemed to be ready for sleep too, settled in his Snoopy pajamas in one of the cozy armchairs and picking at a hangnail. Suddenly, he sighed as if he had been thinking hard and finally  made a decision .

“ Taeyong has an armory of Nerf guns hidden in his and Johnny’s suitcases,”  Jungwoo announced to the group. Despite his tone not straying from its usual softer timbre, it was clear he was excited. 

“Excuse me?”  Jaehyun garbled from the bathroom before Yuta shooed him back in to finish brushing his teeth.

Jungwoo sighed again. “I heard Lucas talking about some sort of  raid they were planning that would “top even last  year’s .”

Yuta blinked. “Well that clears it up a bit more, then. I was looking in  Doyoung ’s bag for a phone charger today and it’s full of just foam bullets.”

“We should,  y’know ,”  Jungwoo emphasized with his hands. 

“Remove the threat before they carry out whatever plans they’re bound to have up their sleeves?” Ten offered helpfully. He cracked his knuckles for emphasis, which might have been intimidating had it not been coming from the shortest NCT member.  The kitty facemask also wasn’t doing him any favors.

Jungwoo nodded. “Yes, that.”

Yuta retorted, “You’re just mad because Lucas didn’t sit with you and went in the back with  Taeyong instead, but that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily planning anything for tonight. We still have a whole week of filming and relocation. Walk it off and poison his waffles tomorrow or something, man.”

“ Nah,  I agree with Snoopy,”  Jaehyun cracked his knuckles as he joined the discussion. “They bested us last year, too, and I don’t think I could handle  Doyoung’s bragging if they won again. I seriously might snap.”

Every year, a little bit of a prank war  in the form of the game “Assassin”  ran through the dorms of SM like the plaque. Or maybe  _ wildfire _ was the right word. Nobody was safe and everybody chose sides, secretly recruited to a team as word traveled through the grapevine. There were indicators in which one could determine their teammates; this round, Mark had been named a captain and his  team was equipped with tiny red bracelets.  He had recruited Yuta himself and allowed the other boy to  continue on the process.  Mark’s was tied around his ankle and tucked safely out of sight. Yuta’s was the only one mildly visible, though it was barely enough to stand out against the plethora of bracelets he wore on a day-to-day basis and evaded attention easily. 

The rules were simple: if you get hit with a Nerf bullet you’re out if your assassin has video proof of you being hit or a few trustworthy teammates to act as eyewitnesses . Each team member has an assigned member on the other team that is their responsibility. Only them and whoever they share this fact with is in the know, to keep the suspense and randomized stakes high. The only safe zones were when one was eating and in the SM building. Previously there had been time restrictions as well, but the members had all decided that anybody who didn’t lock their door was pretty much asking to be shot. Managers and security weren’t allowed to be utilized knowingly in any way, shape, or form to prevent an attack from a fellow NCT member. The managers were aware that the game was going on but took no chances on what was play and what was for real.  Chenle’s manager had both impressed and terrified them all with his lightning-quick reflexes when he’d judo-flipped  Jaehyun the year previous, believing  Chenle to have been in danger’s way. 

Also, nobody  was allowed to hold grudges afterwards (Ten and Lucas were both prone to getting very competitive and last year that had almost resulted in a very serious leg fracture when the game was taken too seriously).

Points were calculated at the end: 10 points to every member of the team who is still standing when the last opponent is hot, 5 points to every kill made by the assigned assassin, and 1 point for a kill made by a teammate if the intended assassin is taken out before taking out his target.

Mark hadn’t really expected to be chosen as a captain because he was truly heinous at keeping secrets. He couldn’t help that he was a giggler and couldn’t hold himself in a squat for too long without having to pee badly! He just hoped his team wouldn’t use him as a shield again like was done a few years back. He had already been out at that point so maybe it was just common courtesy but still, he wanted a chance to redeem himself. 

He had spent days concocting the perfect attack strategy by which they would take the other members down. A lot of the plan was speculation due to the secrecy, but he pretty strongly suspected  Taeyong to be the opposing caption based solely on the fact that everybody adored him and also knew that he had had Nerf guns as a kid and knew how to use them frighteningly well. So that’s what team Thots United (Ten had been allowed to come up with the team’s name, tragically) was going on.

“What are you guys doing?”  Haechan asked sleepily, padding through the doorway connecting their joint rooms and pushing Mark aside to starfish face-down on the bed.  Taeil was behind him, dragging the entire comforter behind him and blinking at the battle party.  Both of them had already been taken out of the battle by their assigned assassins.  Taeil had been annihilated by Lucas as he was stretching “technically outside SM’s radius” after a run.  Haechan and Johnny had taken each other out at the same time and went down in the books as the first ever double “homie- cide ” in the NCT Assassin game. 

“We’re going to murder  Taeyong and friends tonight so if you hear screaming...” Ten told him, smiling blandly and took one final selfie of him and Yuta in their face masks. “Say ‘Nya  nya .’”

Haechan looked at Ten like he’d gone onto their community Wii system and put facial hair on all 21 Mii characters again. Disappointed, but not surprised. He said, “I’m going back to bed.” 

“No, no, wait!” Mark yelped and grabbed his arm to keep  Haechan from rolling off the bed. “Even though you can’t fight, we can still use you.” 

“How?”

“Does  Taeyong still have your nightlight?”

*

Taeyong was very, very afraid of the dark. This is what happens when your older sister thinks it’s funny to hide under the stairs when it’s pitch-black and jump out at you when all you wanted was to get a glass of water. 

There came a knock at the door only briefly after the boys had drawn straws for who was sleeping where and passed out. At the mysterious noise,  Taeyong swore he almost jumped right out of his penguin boxers.  Doyoung , who he had been sharing a bed with, kicked him in the shin without a word. 

The knock came again, more urgently this time. “Hyung?”

Doyoung kicked him again until  Taeyong sat up in bed.  Taeyong padded over to the door and paused. “You’ve got my back if this is a  saesang , right buddy?”

“ Mmm ,”  Doyoung murmured, settling deeper into the bed and taking some of  Taeyong’s portion of the blanket with him. Clearly, he was ready for any direction the night might take.

“Hyung,” the voice whined from the other side of the door, “It’s  Haechan . I’m just here for my nightlight. And  Taeil needs to speak with you so let us in .”

Taeyong unlocked the door and opened it a crack, peeking through to verify that it really was  Haechan and  Taeil . “ Doyoung is asleep, so be quiet.” They both nodded, full of trepidation and very much unwilling to deal with the monstrosity that an ill-awaken Kim Dong-young entailed.

“Wait, wait,”  Taeyong yelped when  Haechan reached out to unplug the light and dashed across the room to switch on the bathroom light.  Doyoung groaned as the light hit his face and pushed himself up to flop down again with his back facing the light. “Ok, now you can unplug it.”

Haechan rolled his eyes but complied, tugging his Jesus-on-the-cross shaped abomination from the wall (his mother tried so, so hard to make him a devout Christian but honestly the terror that this nightlight inflected on his younger self stopped him from seeing Jesus as any sort of homely). 

Taeil half-pulled, half-guided  Taeyong into the bathroom. “Aren’t you thirsty?”

“I mean, I guess so. My water bottle is on my bedside table-”  Taeyong made to venture out of the restroom and flinched when  Taeil grabbed his forearm. “What?”

“I mean, they gave us water bottles already and they’re right here though.”  Taeil gestured towards the mini café of tea bags and coffee and water on the counter.

Taeyong wrinkled his nose. “But that costs money.” 

“C’mon,”  Taeil totally-not-pleaded. “Can you really say you’ve made the most of this experience if you just drink your own water the whole time? Like-” He cupped his hands, filled them from the running sink, and slurped in a rather undignified manner. He tried not to pull a face at the metallic taste of the probably  underprocessed water. “ Mmm , fresh tap water!”

Taeyong looked at him and laughed so sweetly  Taeil almost felt bad. Almost. “You’re weird,  hyung . And sleep deprived, probably. Let me walk you guys back to your room so you don’t get lost.” 

As a last resort, Taeil “fell” on the light switch and covered it with his hands while the pair blundered around in the dark. It wasn’t until he heard the sound of Haechan slipping out the door that he flipped it back on. “TY, get in bed and I’ll turn the light switch off so you don’t have to run.”

Once  Taeyong was tucked in ( Taeil may have been a man on a mission, but he had a  _ heart _ , okay!),  Taeil shut the door behind him only to find that  Haechan was propped up against the hallway waiting for him. The younger boy struck a pose, “Do I look like a badass?”

“Your shirt is inside out,”  Taeil informed him.

*

“Three guns, that’s it?” Mark shrilled shrilly, flapping his hands like an agitated bird.

Haechan pouted, “That’s all  Taeyong had in his bag! Don’t shoot the messenger, damn.”

“We can work with this. What’s this one?”  Jaehyun interrupted their bickering thoughtfully, taking the bag of foam bullets that  Haechan had also scavenged from  Doyoung . Google informed him it was basically a giant nerf machine gun  and also that Nerf wasn’t responsible for any bodily harm caused by it. He loaded it and tested it out, aiming carelessly and hitting Ten in the butt by consequence. “Sick. I mean, sorry.”

Ten let loose a spray of shots that bounced off  Jaehyun’s chest. “My bad.”

“Save it for the other team,” Mark reminded his seniors meekly. “How did their room seem to be set up?”

“It’s just  Doyoung and  Taeyong sharing one room, I believe. Or at least, I didn’t see anybody else in the room we came in. I thought I heard Lucas snoring in the other room. I assume that’s where he, Johnny, and  Winwin will be.”

“And,”  Taeil finished proudly. “I left their door unlocked.”

“Absolute fucking  _ genius.”  _ Ten deadpanned, slow clapping. “ Taeil , talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You’re our secret weapon.”

*

The battle party assembled in about twenty minutes,  Haechan and  Taeil making up a rather uneventful farewell party. Really, all that had to be done was deciding who would handle the guns. It was decided that  Jaehyun and Ten would take the guns that required more precis ion since they were the best shots (“I hit Lucas right on his nose last year,” Ten bragged, then quickly remembered they hadn’t been supposed to aim for the face. “On accident, of course but the point is I’m good.”) and assigned with taking out  Doyoung and  Taeyong . Afterwards, the guns would be handed between the members to pick off the remaining opponents. Yuta and  Jungwoo would record the attack on  Taeyong and Doyoung and Jaehyun and Ten would take over when it was time to take down Winwin and Lucas. Mark would take the rapid-fire gun and depend on the fact that at least one bullet would eventually hit somebody, probably. He was crossing all his fingers and toes. 

“If we don’t return,” Ten wiped away a fake tear ironically and rested a comforting hand on  Haechan’s shoulder. “Tell my mother I loved her.”

Haechan didn’t even look up from his phone. “Yeah, okay. Can I borrow your computer?” 

“No,” Ten sniffed spitefully.

“ _ Hyung _ ,”  Haechan whined, drawing out his words just like he knew everybody hated. “You said I could use your laptop if I joined the team last month! You  _ promised _ ! ” Dogs were probably crying at the frequency by which  Haechan could complain.

“And look what happened? You got yourself eliminated within the first round, brat.” Ten flicked  Haechan’s head tactlessly. “Oh, all right, but if you delete any of my  tabs you’re dead meat. And no downloading any games ; you left 3 viruses last time!”

“Are we ready?” Yuta prompted, itching to get this over with and then go to bed. “Mark?”

“Thots United,” Mark climbed on the bed and paused to cringe at Ten, who smiled with the same shit-eating grin he wore when he taught the  Dreamies bad words and made messes in the kitchen that he left for others to clean up. “Let’s go kick some ass or at least try not to lose horribly this year.”

“Short, sweet, and to the point.”  Jaehyun nodded. “I like your style.” 

“Let’s go,”  Jungwoo glanced into the depths of the hotel hallway and soundlessly began to creep 5 doors down until he crouched in front of  Taeyong and  Doyoung’s room. The rest of the team assembled there as well,  Jaehyun silently wiggling the door handle to make sure it was unlocked. It was. With one final look and a shared nod at Ten, he threw the door open and the group hurtled into the bedroom. Mark tried his hand at a fearsome battle cry that died down to more of a gargle when he thought better about waking the entirety of that hotel floor. 

“What the f-”  Taeyong began, jolting upright in bed and shaking  Doyoung awake frantically.  Doyoung promptly shoved  Taeyong’s hand away and made as if he were going to continue sleeping until  Jaehyun pointed a gun at his chest. He woke up quite quickly after that.

“Any last wo-”  Jaehyun began. Ten shot  Taeyong in the chest three times before he had even finished that thought. Jaehyun sighed before shooting one bullet at Doyoung and checking back at Yuta to make sure both kills had been captured on video. Yuta flashed a thumbs-up. “Sorry, buddy, are we still on for brunch tomorrow morning?”

Doyoung, always a man of taste, promptly flipped him off.

A body suddenly stirred on the floor, previously hidden from view due to its form being nestled in a myriad of pillows, clothes, and blankets scraped together to form a makeshift bed. Before anybody even had the time to blink, the form had snatched the gun from Ten’s hands and shot into the attacking crowd. 

“ Winko ,” Yuta wailed in betrayal, looking down in horror at the bullet sticking to the front of his  pj shirt. 

“Sorry,  hyung .”  Winwin had the grace to look at least a little apologetic.

“Shoot him.” Yuta said darkly, passing on his assigned kill to  Jaehyun , who took  Winwin out quickly. 

By then, quite a ruckus had been made. Johnny stumbled out of the other bedroom to take in the scene before his brain processed the information before him and he dived back into his own room. Lucas surfaced in seconds with a Nerf gun at the ready, firing wildly at Ten as if in payback from the previous year’s grisly assassination. Ten shrieked in what could only assume was the sound of pure frustration. 

Mark dove behind the bed, pulling  Jungwoo and  Jaehyun with him like the downright  _ heroic _ man he was. 

“What do we do?”  Jungwoo fretted, wringing his hands.

Mark shoved  Ten’s discarded gun into  Jungwoo’s hands and willed his head to be anything but blank.  _ Think, think, think.  _

_ “ _ Here’s the plan, _ ” _ He whispers. “Shoot Lucas.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious, for your impeccable contribution,”  Jaehyun drawled dryly. “I suggest we rush him. We know he’s in the other room and probably just going to hide in there and try to wait us out. The things we don’t know are how many bullets he  actually has with him. Their entire supply could have been the bag that  Haechan stole or there could be a separate stash with him in that room, meaning he has both the time and supplies to have the upper hand. But us, we have the numbers. That’s about it, but it might be good enough.”

“Should we rush him?”  Jungwoo asked.

Jaehyun frowned. “That might be all we can do to garner any real results.”

“Let’s go for it. Count of three?”

“Ready? One, two-” The trio burst out from behind the bed,  Jaehyun leading the pack as they sprinted into the accompanying bedroom. There they were, three warriors looking death right in the eye. Though death looked just as unprepared as they did. Lucas’ last shot was aimed at  Jaehyun and missed by several feet, finding a home on the far wall.

Jaehyun flicked the foam bullet sticking to the front of Lucas’ shirt  and shrugged.  The crowd marched into the room to join the others.  “Does this mean we won?”

“ _Now_ , Jungwoo!” Taeyong yelled suddenly from the other room, jolting Mark out of his headspace as he watched Jungwoo promptly shoot Jaehyun and take his weapon.

Jaehyun’s jaw dropped as he sputtered in confusion. “We’re on the  _ same _ team!”

“We aren’t,”  Jungwoo corrected, pulling back the sleeves of his  _ Peanuts _ pjs to reveal a loyalty bracelet that most certainly was  _ not  _ the one for the Thots United.  Then he turned suddenly on Mark, who flinched so hard tripped over  Winwin’s bed and went down.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Mark blinked, brain still trying his best to process the sudden turn of events.  He held his hands up cautiously, only then realizing with a pang that he’d dropped his weapon in his graceless descend.  “What?”

“He ’s a  _ spy _ , dumbass. A traitor. ” Ten snarled, definitely taking the game way too seriously. Yuta and  Winwin drew him into the hallway to clear the room for the rest of the battle to play out and also maybe prevent an actual murder from occurring that night.

Mark’s mouth dropped open. “ _ Why _ ? Yuta told me he had talked you into joining our team!”

Jungwoo shrugged. “ Taeyong talked to me first. He said you would never suspect  me and he was right, I guess. Also, he’s going to do my laundry for a month. It doesn’t really matter who wins to me.”

“You monster,” Johnny whispered, having just awoken from his near-dead slumber (seriously, once  Chenle had almost burnt down the entire dorm because he didn’t realize how flammable garlic was and if it had turned into a real housefire the members would have had a serious problem on hand). “What’s going on?”

“I’m about to win this year’s game of assassin,”  Jungwoo told him.

Once, when Mark was  between the fourth and fifth years of his education, he was the target of bullying and harassment from his fellow classmates. He honestly didn’t know why- between his Heelys and the way he always made sure to neatly tuck his shirt into his pants, he was already a trendsetter at the age of 9. His grandmother took this time to teach him two valuable lessons: how to defend himself and also to stop pulling his pants up so high on his torso. 

“You just need to show them you aren’t afraid,” The elderly woman told young Mark as she paused her dancing knitting needles to take him outside. She picked up a rock and, with a twist of her wrist, sent it hurtling into the bushes. “Or even that you know how to roll with the punches.”

Mark’s grandmother had taught him lots of things, like not to run with scissors or knives or mechanical pencils or “ _ anything with _ corners,  _ Mark _ , _ I’m running out of band-aids! _ ” He’d be lying if he said many of her DIY tips and forewarnings hadn’t gone in one ear and out the other. He also still tucked his shirt into his pants probably too often. However, he never forgot the most important lesson she had taught him: how to make his attackers pee their pants, or at least what could be a pretty cool party trick under the right circumstances. 

There were no rules saying the bullet had to be shot from a Nerf gun. 

His fingers curled around a discarded foam bullet, his thumb and middle finger clutching the bullet near the tip. He lined his pointer finger up with the back and  propelled it forward with as much force as he could muster, like he was throwing a crappy paper airplane with all his hopes and dreams piled atop it. 

The bullet hit  Jungwoo and bounced to the floor. 

The bullet _hit_ Jungwoo and Mark was the last one standing. The Thots United had fought a courageous battle and won against all odds. 

Jaehyun tackled Mark back to the ground in a fit of unhindered excitement. “Mark, you outstanding fuck, what the actual hell?”

“Holy shit,”  Taeyong breathed, still in awe. “I want you on my team next year.”


End file.
